Emotions are owned by you they are not caused by an outside event as a lot of people believe.
For example being cut up by a car, if there are two of you in the car one of you could express anger at the driver that just cut you up, whereas the passenger may be perfectly calm.
Everything is the same except for the emotion CHOSEN by the two people.
Successful people own their emotions and choose when to express them, it is they that choose when an emotion is to be expressed rather than the seemingly uncontrolled emotions of others that blame the expression of the emotion on an external event or person, that same event or person would not have the same visual expression from a person in control of their emotions.
Anger is a survival emotion, it is there to protect your territory when a potential challenger crosses the boundary
As humans our territory is much more complex than geographic, this covers possessions, ideas and especially beliefs.
We choose to be angry so can choose to react to the same situation in different ways.
- Look at the situation and admit that maybe we were partly at fault
- The other person did transgress, however these can be seen to be a genuine mistake
- The other person did intentionally stray into our territory, however we put the anger aside and take that person to one side and explain that their actions were unwelcome.
- There is, of course, genuine reasons to be angry and that is a choice that can be made, but know that this was your choice, not an emotion that was thrown on you
Envy is looking at a reflection in a pool and being envious of it’s clear shiny surface, you don’t see the muck at the bottom of the pool.
The phrase the grass looks greener on the other side applies.
Another way of reframe envy if you feel you have this emotion is to look at the specific components that you want to possess an look how to incorporate these into your life.
I am covering off these two as they are both sides of the same coin. There are plenty of examples of this, the most common are
- the happy and sad theatre masks that everyone knows of, comedy and tragedy
- the sadness that they say every comedian has gone through
- the tears of a clown
Happiness is a great emotion, everybody wants to be happy all of the time, but hold on, if you were happy 100% of the time, how would you know you were happy ? You need sadness to balance and also identify when you are happy and vica versa. These are emotional twins that will cycle round who is in control. The art is to recognise and accept that these two brothers or sisters are part of our family and are just as important as each other.
When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’.
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.
– John Lennon
They say less is more, do you have too much clutter in your life, having less may mean that you enjoy life more, think about what you need and what you have, is there a big gap ?
Fear is also a survival emotion, this is their to save you from the sabre toothed tiger that is about to spring. Fortunately there are not a lot of sabre toothed tigers roaming the streets. Nowadays fear is a great emotion to be experiencing, this emotion tells you that you outside of your comfort zone and are stretching yourself, take the courage to face the fear and recognise that whatever does not kill you makes you grow.
In summary there are very few if no negative emotions when framed correctly. Look to use the emotions correctly and in the right circumstances, treat them as a guide to decisions/actions rather than responding in a knee jerk fashion.
You need to detach yourself from your emotions, almost become an observer that can look at the situation objectively and select the appropriate emotion. As an exercise go through each emotion and identify a situation where you experienced that emotion, if possible identify an aspect of each of the senses that was triggered during this situation to help you relive it. The idea is to revisit this emotion to explore it and examine how you felt at the time. Repeating this exercise will eventually enable you to stop reacting to situations and select your appropriate response.
We start from a base of peace.